Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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