Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Success! We fucked roommates!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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