Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
So squirting runs in the family.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
