"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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