No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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