Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
