i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
