Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Semen is not good for contacts.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
