I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
