Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
