Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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