I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize