You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
