My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Do vagina's smell?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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