She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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