a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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