I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
