Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
