question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
this boner is exhausting
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
