I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
