a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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