can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
