that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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