I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
