just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
