Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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