i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
