weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dignity is for republicans.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I have post one night stand depression
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