Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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