So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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