I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
