South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
