I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The ass gains better be worth it
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