Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
