Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
