I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
