well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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