You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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