Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
