i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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