nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize