i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
