brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
