You made me cry and you don't even care
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
