Already got asked if we're dating
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
