Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
