somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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