I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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