so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
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