Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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