wanna go halves on a baby?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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