Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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