thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
