I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
