Already got asked if we're dating
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
