no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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