Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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