miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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