I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
