So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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