Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.

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(917): View more from New York City

Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.

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(932): View more from

The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change

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(818): View more from California

He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.

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(404): View more from Georgia

If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.

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