my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
