:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
