overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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