he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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