The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
