U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
420 ftw
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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