I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
