I only kidnapped one of them. chill
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
