Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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