I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize