He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
