Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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