I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize