Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
