Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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