What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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