When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
