I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
