I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
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