mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
well you can't waste a boner
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
A+ Viking dick
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize