trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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