I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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