so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
