Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
