no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
