I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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